You can renovate, re-organize or give away the clothes you don’t wear anymore and still not have enough room in your closet, but according to many single women, it’s a beautiful thing to have the space all to yourself.
Madeline writes that she’s fed up with his stinking running shoes on the floor beneath her best gowns and party dresses. Angie says that she can’t open the bedroom closet door without being hit in the head by her boyfriend’s basketball. “I can’t believe that I let it get to this”, writes Karen. “His toys and sporting equipment are more important than neatly hung and folded clothes”.
Closet organizing, maximizing space, designer walk-in closets, even stackable baskets can cost more than you think. I don’t have to list all the tips and tricks of creating more storage here in this blog, since you can easily access sites on the web for ideas on how to re-vamp your space and clear out what you don’t need.
If you’re not celebrating the single life and searching for answers about his stuff, there’s always the garage or the basement:)
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
More Time For Yourself
If you’re a workaholic like me, it always seems as though you never have time for yourself. I’ve checked out the time management how-to books and tried to write down “me time” on the schedule, but pampering myself rarely happens.
It’s an absolute truth that the body, mind and soul need to be fed with peaceful, comforting nourishment. They say that even a half an hour each day helps so much and it can definitely be worked into anyone’s busy schedule.
Living a single lifestyle affords more opportunities and there should be no excuses to skip them. Just think of what you could be doing. I grew up in the florist business and although the shop is gone, it’s still a wonderful feeling to buy myself a bouquet of flowers that not only feed my soul, but brighten my home. The fragrance brings back special memories of my childhood.
The cell phone, answering machine and email have become an addiction in this fast paced world, yet still, everything can wait. You can return calls and messages after your fifteen minutes of meditation. “Take a long walk”, you say? Yes! Imagine yourself out there right now with the leaves falling and the scent of autumn in the air! After work, take the long way home. Seek a new route and change of scene.
If you’re single, who’s stopping you from soaking in the bathtub? Light the candles or take that book with you. Is the beach near where you live? Aah, lucky you! Need I say more?
If you love to dance, make a mix of your favorite songs, turn it up and let yourself go. Make music a part of your life and your nourishment. The powerful, healing properties of frequencies and tones can soothe the soul or rev up those good endorphins.
Friday, July 10, 2009
No More Searching Through His Briefcase
Angela had been married and divorced twice. Although she left both marriages, disappointed that she wasn’t successful at working on a relationship, she still trusted both of her ex-husbands.
She dated for a while, finally meeting John, who she really believed she loved and trusted. Suddenly, he began to act differently, fussing with his appearance and wardrobe while getting ready for work each day. When he would frequently call to tell her that he was working late and wouldn’t be home for dinner, she began to suspect that John had met someone else.
John was a retail store manager and had a high turnover of employees. Angela also knew that he kept a daily journal. She questioned whether or not her suspicions were valid and began to search through the pockets of his pants and suit jackets at night while he was sleeping, finding small scraps of paper with telephone numbers and email addresses.
One night after John had fallen asleep, Angela slipped downstairs to discover that John’s briefcase was now shut tight by a combination lock. She couldn’t believe that she was pursuing a plan to prove that John was cheating on her, as she was also afraid to leave, starting out on her own all over again.
However, Angela was determined to get into his briefcase and tried different combinations to open the lock. When she tried John’s ex-wife’s birth date, the briefcase popped open. Inside she found more than enough evidence that proved that John was cheating and plenty of proof that John did not love her.
Tucked inside of a secret pocket of the briefcase was John’s journal. As she turned the pages, Angela was literally sick to her stomach, shaking and feeling frightened by what she read. She didn’t know this person at all, this man whom she had been sleeping next to for the past year.
Finally, John flew to his company’s corporate headquarters for a weekend conference. Feeling as though her heart would implode, Angela packed her things, arranged for a mover to load her belongings and headed back to her home town. She refused herself the opportunity to confront John in person and simply left a message on his cell phone, informing that she would be gone when he returned.
John never questioned why she left and she has never heard from him again.
She dated for a while, finally meeting John, who she really believed she loved and trusted. Suddenly, he began to act differently, fussing with his appearance and wardrobe while getting ready for work each day. When he would frequently call to tell her that he was working late and wouldn’t be home for dinner, she began to suspect that John had met someone else.
John was a retail store manager and had a high turnover of employees. Angela also knew that he kept a daily journal. She questioned whether or not her suspicions were valid and began to search through the pockets of his pants and suit jackets at night while he was sleeping, finding small scraps of paper with telephone numbers and email addresses.
One night after John had fallen asleep, Angela slipped downstairs to discover that John’s briefcase was now shut tight by a combination lock. She couldn’t believe that she was pursuing a plan to prove that John was cheating on her, as she was also afraid to leave, starting out on her own all over again.
However, Angela was determined to get into his briefcase and tried different combinations to open the lock. When she tried John’s ex-wife’s birth date, the briefcase popped open. Inside she found more than enough evidence that proved that John was cheating and plenty of proof that John did not love her.
Tucked inside of a secret pocket of the briefcase was John’s journal. As she turned the pages, Angela was literally sick to her stomach, shaking and feeling frightened by what she read. She didn’t know this person at all, this man whom she had been sleeping next to for the past year.
Finally, John flew to his company’s corporate headquarters for a weekend conference. Feeling as though her heart would implode, Angela packed her things, arranged for a mover to load her belongings and headed back to her home town. She refused herself the opportunity to confront John in person and simply left a message on his cell phone, informing that she would be gone when he returned.
John never questioned why she left and she has never heard from him again.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Backseat Drivers Are Optional
You Can Tell the Person Criticizing Your Driving to, "GET OUT OF THE CAR!"
Wikipedia defines a back seat driver as a passenger in a vehicle who is not in control of the vehicle and does not appear to be comfortable with the skills of the current driver. Passengers labeled as backseat drivers appear to feel insecure and do not trust the driver of the vehicle. Since they’re not behind the wheel, they become nervous, exhibiting anxiety, offering suggestions and criticizing the driver.
One famous example of a relentless back seat driver is Hyacinth Bucket on the sitcom Keeping Up Appearances, produced by the BBC. Hyacinth supervises her husband Richard’s every move, even reminding him to “mind the pedestrian” who is clearly distanced from their car on the sidewalk.
A comment written in The Bismarck Tribune in December 1921, read as follows: "A back-seat driver is the pest who sits on the rear cushions of a motor car and tells the driver what to do. He issues a lot of instructions, gives a lot of advice, offers no end of criticism and doesn't do a bit of work."
Actually, there seems to be a lot of other work they discover they can do, as exhibited by the epitome of backseat drivers. They hold onto the dashboard or grab the handle located on the car ceiling, just above the door. If a car suddenly cuts you off and pulls in front of your car, then hitting the brakes, the perfect action for the backseat driver to take is to yell, “Whoa!”. In inclement weather, the anxious passenger always reminds the driver of the slick and dangerous road conditions. Of course, your busy-body passenger must always begin to mess with the controls, such as the radio, heat and AC and since they’re not sure of how to operate them, they ask the driver how they work, distracting the driver’s focus. Let’s not forget how helpful it is when the backseat driver calls out that the light has turned green, as if you, the driver, aren’t waiting for the light change.
How many of us have driven with backseat drivers who repeatedly yell, “watch out!” and gasp with their little “oohs” and “ughs”? Many other drivers on the road are completely fed up with those who are distracted while driving and talking on their cell phones simultaneously, however, it’s a great way of shutting out the backseat driver sitting next to you.
Most of my life, I have witnessed my mother nagging my father about his driving. She refuses to drive if the controls are offered to her and she absolutely will not read a map. My new SUV drives, (no pun intended), her crazy, as she reminds me how these vehicles can flip over. Wow, even when you’re going ten miles per hour? Amazing!
I would never be able to force my mother out of the car, although she incessantly has to question which direction we’re going or what route we’re taking, every-single-time we’re traveling, but you don’t have to appease everyone. Pull over and request that they exit immediately!
Wikipedia defines a back seat driver as a passenger in a vehicle who is not in control of the vehicle and does not appear to be comfortable with the skills of the current driver. Passengers labeled as backseat drivers appear to feel insecure and do not trust the driver of the vehicle. Since they’re not behind the wheel, they become nervous, exhibiting anxiety, offering suggestions and criticizing the driver.
One famous example of a relentless back seat driver is Hyacinth Bucket on the sitcom Keeping Up Appearances, produced by the BBC. Hyacinth supervises her husband Richard’s every move, even reminding him to “mind the pedestrian” who is clearly distanced from their car on the sidewalk.
A comment written in The Bismarck Tribune in December 1921, read as follows: "A back-seat driver is the pest who sits on the rear cushions of a motor car and tells the driver what to do. He issues a lot of instructions, gives a lot of advice, offers no end of criticism and doesn't do a bit of work."
Actually, there seems to be a lot of other work they discover they can do, as exhibited by the epitome of backseat drivers. They hold onto the dashboard or grab the handle located on the car ceiling, just above the door. If a car suddenly cuts you off and pulls in front of your car, then hitting the brakes, the perfect action for the backseat driver to take is to yell, “Whoa!”. In inclement weather, the anxious passenger always reminds the driver of the slick and dangerous road conditions. Of course, your busy-body passenger must always begin to mess with the controls, such as the radio, heat and AC and since they’re not sure of how to operate them, they ask the driver how they work, distracting the driver’s focus. Let’s not forget how helpful it is when the backseat driver calls out that the light has turned green, as if you, the driver, aren’t waiting for the light change.
How many of us have driven with backseat drivers who repeatedly yell, “watch out!” and gasp with their little “oohs” and “ughs”? Many other drivers on the road are completely fed up with those who are distracted while driving and talking on their cell phones simultaneously, however, it’s a great way of shutting out the backseat driver sitting next to you.
Most of my life, I have witnessed my mother nagging my father about his driving. She refuses to drive if the controls are offered to her and she absolutely will not read a map. My new SUV drives, (no pun intended), her crazy, as she reminds me how these vehicles can flip over. Wow, even when you’re going ten miles per hour? Amazing!
I would never be able to force my mother out of the car, although she incessantly has to question which direction we’re going or what route we’re taking, every-single-time we’re traveling, but you don’t have to appease everyone. Pull over and request that they exit immediately!
Monday, May 18, 2009
You Can Keep Your Maiden Name
Recently, I came across an article covering an in-depth study on women suffering from identity crisis, stemming from taking their spouse’s name. The psychological effects on some women can evolve into a crisis, where they actually begin to feel that they don’t even know who they are anymore. The real crisis or potentiality of such is the fact that this remains a critical issue for many women and even for men in some cases
Women who have chosen to take their husband’s name can range from those who don’t really see it as an issue at all to those who fear that if they don’t, their children’s identity will be lost or confused. Those who have elected to keep their given names see several advantages. Some believe in the importance of carrying on the identity of their lineage; some simply love their name, have had it all their lives and wouldn’t change it for any reason; and some don’t want the hassle of the legal red tape, which can get even more complicated if a woman divorces and wants her maiden name back.
For the past several decades, this has been a huge problem for many divorced women. Taking back their maiden name left them non-existent, alienated in a world who used to know them as Mrs. Someone, leaving them as a ‘nobody’ with zero credit history. Whether your changing your name back to your own or taking his, still remains a challenge and an inconvenience.
Let’s make a list: A new driver’s license, passport, social security card, checking account, savings account, 401k plan, stocks, certificates, bonds or mutual funds, credit cards, subscriptions, membership cards, wills, mortgages, car loans, any legal documents and on and on.
Barbara in Texas says, “I didn't change my last name when I married, partly because my law license and diplomas bear my maiden name, but also because I didn't feel like changing or discarding the name given to me at birth.”
Tom from Oregon says, “Whenever my wife calls someplace regarding the kids (doctors, daycare, etc.), she has to say, ‘This is Jane Smith, John Doe's mother.’ Me, I can simply say, ‘This is Tom Doe, John's father.’ I've had problems picking up prescriptions for my wife when she can't because of our different names. My wife also carries a copy of our marriage license on her at all times.”
Angie in North Carolina writes, "The best solution I came across was a couple that picked a brand new last name for themselves. I have three sets of friends who did this!”
Christine from Ohio says, “I’m still stuck with my ex-husband’s last name. When we divorced, I feared that I would have to start all over again, from being able to buy a home to getting credit in my maiden name.”
Julia in Chicago writes, “I've seen lots of variations in my time as a professor, and my current Dean has a hyphenated name (but his wife does not!). I've talked about it with my partner and she, like me, shares the publishing dilemma concern.”
Which leads us to yet another name issue- to hyphenate or not to hyphenate. The moment we all heard that Hillary would officially be known as Hillary Rodham Clinton, it raised the validation level for many married women. I’m sure old Lucy Stone would have had plenty to say about that.
Lucy waged a passionate struggle for equal rights for women, a struggle that continues even in today‘s world. In existence since the early 1920’s, The Lucy Stone League is dedicated to equal rights for women and men to retain, modify and create their names, believing that a person's name is fundamental to her and/or his existence. I wonder what Lucy’s mother’s maiden name was? I suspect that Ms. Stone would have been a hyphenator.
However, over the past 10 years, fewer women have been keeping their maiden names. According to a study by Harvard economics professor Claudia Goldin, based on Massachusetts birth records, the number of college-educated women in their thirties who have kept their given name, dropped from 23 percent in 1990 to 17 percent in 2000. Those traveling the traditional route by taking his name, join the ranks of 90% of women getting married today in the United States.
So . . . single? If you said yes, wasn’t it great to wake up this morning without having to deal with all of that mumbo-jumbo? Isn’t it wonderful to know who you truly are?
Women who have chosen to take their husband’s name can range from those who don’t really see it as an issue at all to those who fear that if they don’t, their children’s identity will be lost or confused. Those who have elected to keep their given names see several advantages. Some believe in the importance of carrying on the identity of their lineage; some simply love their name, have had it all their lives and wouldn’t change it for any reason; and some don’t want the hassle of the legal red tape, which can get even more complicated if a woman divorces and wants her maiden name back.
For the past several decades, this has been a huge problem for many divorced women. Taking back their maiden name left them non-existent, alienated in a world who used to know them as Mrs. Someone, leaving them as a ‘nobody’ with zero credit history. Whether your changing your name back to your own or taking his, still remains a challenge and an inconvenience.
Let’s make a list: A new driver’s license, passport, social security card, checking account, savings account, 401k plan, stocks, certificates, bonds or mutual funds, credit cards, subscriptions, membership cards, wills, mortgages, car loans, any legal documents and on and on.
Barbara in Texas says, “I didn't change my last name when I married, partly because my law license and diplomas bear my maiden name, but also because I didn't feel like changing or discarding the name given to me at birth.”
Tom from Oregon says, “Whenever my wife calls someplace regarding the kids (doctors, daycare, etc.), she has to say, ‘This is Jane Smith, John Doe's mother.’ Me, I can simply say, ‘This is Tom Doe, John's father.’ I've had problems picking up prescriptions for my wife when she can't because of our different names. My wife also carries a copy of our marriage license on her at all times.”
Angie in North Carolina writes, "The best solution I came across was a couple that picked a brand new last name for themselves. I have three sets of friends who did this!”
Christine from Ohio says, “I’m still stuck with my ex-husband’s last name. When we divorced, I feared that I would have to start all over again, from being able to buy a home to getting credit in my maiden name.”
Julia in Chicago writes, “I've seen lots of variations in my time as a professor, and my current Dean has a hyphenated name (but his wife does not!). I've talked about it with my partner and she, like me, shares the publishing dilemma concern.”
Which leads us to yet another name issue- to hyphenate or not to hyphenate. The moment we all heard that Hillary would officially be known as Hillary Rodham Clinton, it raised the validation level for many married women. I’m sure old Lucy Stone would have had plenty to say about that.
Lucy waged a passionate struggle for equal rights for women, a struggle that continues even in today‘s world. In existence since the early 1920’s, The Lucy Stone League is dedicated to equal rights for women and men to retain, modify and create their names, believing that a person's name is fundamental to her and/or his existence. I wonder what Lucy’s mother’s maiden name was? I suspect that Ms. Stone would have been a hyphenator.
However, over the past 10 years, fewer women have been keeping their maiden names. According to a study by Harvard economics professor Claudia Goldin, based on Massachusetts birth records, the number of college-educated women in their thirties who have kept their given name, dropped from 23 percent in 1990 to 17 percent in 2000. Those traveling the traditional route by taking his name, join the ranks of 90% of women getting married today in the United States.
So . . . single? If you said yes, wasn’t it great to wake up this morning without having to deal with all of that mumbo-jumbo? Isn’t it wonderful to know who you truly are?
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
No In-Laws!
Read Samantha’s story:
Sam grew up in the Catholic faith, following in her father’s footsteps, under the dominant rule of the Dominican nuns and priests. Along with her school mates, she attended Mass every Wednesday morning before school and occasional Sundays with her father.
The years of teachings from the catechism troubled Sam, but she was fearful of asking questions or debating issues that never seemed to make any sense. Yet, Sam was enchanted on the day of her First Communion and later stood tall as a soldier of Christ on her Confirmation Day.
Her mother was a Methodist. She reminded Sam frequently of how the priest forced her to sign a document stating that every child bore in her marriage to Sam’s father would exclusively be raised as a Catholic. Sam witnessed the cultural differences within her own family and learned quickly how polarizing each religious belief could be. Her grandparents on either side of the family never gelled and Sam learned at an early age of the dreadful, so-called, “mother-in-law”.
Sam continually experienced the prejudiced attitude of the nuns and how they acted out their feelings on the children of mixed marriages. She became increasingly uncomfortable in class, when the nuns, who were also the elementary teachers, would ask the students the same question repeatedly throughout grade school: How many girls in the class are planning to become a nun when they grow up? How many young men are planning to become a priest when they grow up? In the clusters of raised hands, Samantha never participated with a reply.
As a young adult, Sam was uncertain of what she truly believed in. She began to search her soul about God and Jesus. After several years of personal study of Buddahism, Christianity and Judaism, she discovered that the Jewish faith came closer to her true beliefs and finally found comfort in her relationship with God.
Samantha later met a young man who was Jewish. His family were members of a conservative temple, but only attended services on High Holidays. She fell in love with him, but he struggled with the fear of having to break it to his parents that he had met a non-Jew and hoped to marry Sam. His mother was more compassionate and understanding, but as his father shook Samantha’s hand for the first time, he looked her straight in the eyes and firmly stated, “I don’t like convertibles”.
That day, Samantha’s heartaches began. She forged on, converting into the Jewish faith, married who she believed was the man of her dreams, but never won the hearts of her in-laws. They patiently waited along the sidelines for the marriage to fail, which did after five alienating years.
Samantha never remarried. Her disappointments in the her ex-husband’s character, clearly a mirrored image of his parents, crushed her desires to practice a Jewish lifestyle. He later began dating a Jewish girl and eventually married her, satisfying the will of his father and finally giving his mother peace of mind and peace in the family.
That’s only one woman’s fate, where religion had more power over the actual relationship they could have had with their daughter-in-law. Fortunately for many people, they have found love and lasting relationships in mixed marriages. Their successes are forged from parents who are more culturally objective and comfortable with who they are themselves. Parents who indulge in impressing their friends and colleagues, force their children to exist behind an imaginary wall of prejudice.
In-laws? From the ridiculous to the demanding to be patronized and from the non-participatory to the dangerous, they can make or break a marriage. Write us and share your story here, by clicking on “comments”.
Sam grew up in the Catholic faith, following in her father’s footsteps, under the dominant rule of the Dominican nuns and priests. Along with her school mates, she attended Mass every Wednesday morning before school and occasional Sundays with her father.
The years of teachings from the catechism troubled Sam, but she was fearful of asking questions or debating issues that never seemed to make any sense. Yet, Sam was enchanted on the day of her First Communion and later stood tall as a soldier of Christ on her Confirmation Day.
Her mother was a Methodist. She reminded Sam frequently of how the priest forced her to sign a document stating that every child bore in her marriage to Sam’s father would exclusively be raised as a Catholic. Sam witnessed the cultural differences within her own family and learned quickly how polarizing each religious belief could be. Her grandparents on either side of the family never gelled and Sam learned at an early age of the dreadful, so-called, “mother-in-law”.
Sam continually experienced the prejudiced attitude of the nuns and how they acted out their feelings on the children of mixed marriages. She became increasingly uncomfortable in class, when the nuns, who were also the elementary teachers, would ask the students the same question repeatedly throughout grade school: How many girls in the class are planning to become a nun when they grow up? How many young men are planning to become a priest when they grow up? In the clusters of raised hands, Samantha never participated with a reply.
As a young adult, Sam was uncertain of what she truly believed in. She began to search her soul about God and Jesus. After several years of personal study of Buddahism, Christianity and Judaism, she discovered that the Jewish faith came closer to her true beliefs and finally found comfort in her relationship with God.
Samantha later met a young man who was Jewish. His family were members of a conservative temple, but only attended services on High Holidays. She fell in love with him, but he struggled with the fear of having to break it to his parents that he had met a non-Jew and hoped to marry Sam. His mother was more compassionate and understanding, but as his father shook Samantha’s hand for the first time, he looked her straight in the eyes and firmly stated, “I don’t like convertibles”.
That day, Samantha’s heartaches began. She forged on, converting into the Jewish faith, married who she believed was the man of her dreams, but never won the hearts of her in-laws. They patiently waited along the sidelines for the marriage to fail, which did after five alienating years.
Samantha never remarried. Her disappointments in the her ex-husband’s character, clearly a mirrored image of his parents, crushed her desires to practice a Jewish lifestyle. He later began dating a Jewish girl and eventually married her, satisfying the will of his father and finally giving his mother peace of mind and peace in the family.
That’s only one woman’s fate, where religion had more power over the actual relationship they could have had with their daughter-in-law. Fortunately for many people, they have found love and lasting relationships in mixed marriages. Their successes are forged from parents who are more culturally objective and comfortable with who they are themselves. Parents who indulge in impressing their friends and colleagues, force their children to exist behind an imaginary wall of prejudice.
In-laws? From the ridiculous to the demanding to be patronized and from the non-participatory to the dangerous, they can make or break a marriage. Write us and share your story here, by clicking on “comments”.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Their Stuff, Your Stuff
I met my second husband at a local radio station where we both worked. We were on the air at the same time. He was AM. I was FM. Our love affair bloomed, exchanging glances through the studio windows.
To say that I was shocked when I first visited his apartment is quite an understatement. With that said, I’ll spare you the details. I had never been inside someone’s bachelor pad before and suddenly began to appreciate that my first husband never lived like a cave man. At this point, I had been divorced for a few years and in the process of building my second house. Was I ready to share my dream home with Java Man?
The day he moved in, I learned a lot about myself. As each box and “man thing” was carried into what would no longer be just my space, I cringed. Was I already set in my ways, too eccentric, too feminine with my décor? Would I have the interior design skills to blend my Country French furnishings with his 1960’s rattan patio group that still possessed the musty odor of his parent’s basement?
Mr. Friedman, now my ex-husband, has been a Beatles fan and collector of Beatle’s albums and memorabilia. However, his life-sized poster of the band from the “Introducing the Beatles” photo sessions, became a challenge for me. Me, who also loved the fab four since childhood, inspiring my songwriting skills and musical tastes. At eleven years of age, I actually believed that I would marry Paul McCartney as soon as he dumped Jane Asher, but Linda Eastman beat me, along with millions of other women to the punch!
At twenty-eight, there I was, married to Mr. Friedman instead and there stood Paul staring back at me from my living room wall. How would I break it to my husband that his beloved Beatle’s poster, under glass in it’s sturdy brass frame, was more apropos for a college dorm? Paul, George, John and Ringo eventually found a home downstairs in the recreation room with the rattan furniture.
I do feel fortunate that my ex was a Beatle’s fan and not a beer can collector. Even Dodi Fayed had a huge wall covered with his ball cap collection. Hmmmmm, I wonder what Diana thought of his Paris bachelor pad?
Years after my husband and I parted, he emailed to let me know that accidentally, the poster fell and the glass shattered. I sometimes wonder if the poster would be cool hanging in my music studio today. It’s surprising to find how much I have changed.
It can be a wild and wooly battle for territory and personal space with a spouse or live-in partner. If you’re still on the fence about staying single, take your time and be observant. When he moves in and wants to display his little plastic soldiers from his childhood on the window sill, run as fast as you can!
To say that I was shocked when I first visited his apartment is quite an understatement. With that said, I’ll spare you the details. I had never been inside someone’s bachelor pad before and suddenly began to appreciate that my first husband never lived like a cave man. At this point, I had been divorced for a few years and in the process of building my second house. Was I ready to share my dream home with Java Man?
The day he moved in, I learned a lot about myself. As each box and “man thing” was carried into what would no longer be just my space, I cringed. Was I already set in my ways, too eccentric, too feminine with my décor? Would I have the interior design skills to blend my Country French furnishings with his 1960’s rattan patio group that still possessed the musty odor of his parent’s basement?
Mr. Friedman, now my ex-husband, has been a Beatles fan and collector of Beatle’s albums and memorabilia. However, his life-sized poster of the band from the “Introducing the Beatles” photo sessions, became a challenge for me. Me, who also loved the fab four since childhood, inspiring my songwriting skills and musical tastes. At eleven years of age, I actually believed that I would marry Paul McCartney as soon as he dumped Jane Asher, but Linda Eastman beat me, along with millions of other women to the punch!
At twenty-eight, there I was, married to Mr. Friedman instead and there stood Paul staring back at me from my living room wall. How would I break it to my husband that his beloved Beatle’s poster, under glass in it’s sturdy brass frame, was more apropos for a college dorm? Paul, George, John and Ringo eventually found a home downstairs in the recreation room with the rattan furniture.
I do feel fortunate that my ex was a Beatle’s fan and not a beer can collector. Even Dodi Fayed had a huge wall covered with his ball cap collection. Hmmmmm, I wonder what Diana thought of his Paris bachelor pad?
Years after my husband and I parted, he emailed to let me know that accidentally, the poster fell and the glass shattered. I sometimes wonder if the poster would be cool hanging in my music studio today. It’s surprising to find how much I have changed.
It can be a wild and wooly battle for territory and personal space with a spouse or live-in partner. If you’re still on the fence about staying single, take your time and be observant. When he moves in and wants to display his little plastic soldiers from his childhood on the window sill, run as fast as you can!
Thursday, February 12, 2009
More Opportunities to Meet NEW People!
Now, don’t start that talk about how you don’t go to pick up bars and meat markets. C’mon, think outside of the box and seek out new relationships.Here are one dozen great places to meet new friends:
1. Health Clubs
2. Museums3. Singles groups
4. Events: sporting, wine tasting, meetups
5. Networking groups
6. Book clubs
7. Civic organizations
8. Neighborhood watch programs
9. Volunteer organizations and churches
10. Workshops and seminars
11. Parties or have your own
12. Resorts and spas
It’s amazing how many wonderful people you meet traveling, even if it’s a few miles from your own front door. If you travel to a new country, you can also learn about a different culture or how to speak a new language. I’ll guarantee that you’ll come home with names and addresses of new pen pals.
How would you like to find new friends who are into enlightenment and spiritual well being? Step into the light and sign up for a yoga or tai chi class. Aaah! Just the sound of the word, 'yoga', doesn't it make you relaxed?
If you’re bored and fed up with your current job, go hunting for a new one. A new environment holds magical possibilities. Go shopping, even if you have no money, browse and window shop.
You may find a new friend in a pet store or the local humane society.
Which reminds me . . . lots of dog lovers will tell you to just get a dog, go to the park or the beach and watch what happens! (Instant friends and so much fun! ) Your cat wouldn’t be very happy at the beach anyway.
The golden ticket is asserting yourself. It’s easier than you think to bag that shy side of your personality and start opening up to people. Talk to strangers who are friendly in appearance. It makes waiting in line go so much faster.
Last but not least, smile at someone when you pass them on the street and by all means, smile back at someone who has smiled at you- what a gift!
Thursday, January 8, 2009
You Are at the Controls
It’s your choice, your responsibility and all about your needs. Some people only need to prevent pregnancy, where others need to protect themselves or their partners from sexually transmitted diseases.
Your choice of birth control should depend on several factors. These include your health, frequency of sexual activity, number of sexual partners and desire to have children. Your health care provider can help you select the best form of birth control for you, but it all comes down to you to ensure your own sexual well being.
In today’s world, thank goodness for the Internet. It’s all there, even BirthControl.com. We’ve come a long, long way in just the past 20 years. With a variety of oral contraceptives, condoms, IUD’s, spermicides, implants, patches, rings, caps, diaphragms, douches, vasectomy, even the rhythm method, it can make you dizzy just thinking about.
Your family doctor can inform you about the pros and cons of each birth control option, but he doesn’t have the time to consult you on those specifics. It’s your responsibility to do the research. Few doctors will take the time to provide printed materials on in-depth research and potential side effects. There are many serious factors to consider: your heart, decrease in bone density, depression, nausea, weight gain and the list goes on.
So, if it’s important to you and your own peace of mind, you have the wheel. Is saying, “no” an option? Duh!
Your choice of birth control should depend on several factors. These include your health, frequency of sexual activity, number of sexual partners and desire to have children. Your health care provider can help you select the best form of birth control for you, but it all comes down to you to ensure your own sexual well being.
In today’s world, thank goodness for the Internet. It’s all there, even BirthControl.com. We’ve come a long, long way in just the past 20 years. With a variety of oral contraceptives, condoms, IUD’s, spermicides, implants, patches, rings, caps, diaphragms, douches, vasectomy, even the rhythm method, it can make you dizzy just thinking about.
Your family doctor can inform you about the pros and cons of each birth control option, but he doesn’t have the time to consult you on those specifics. It’s your responsibility to do the research. Few doctors will take the time to provide printed materials on in-depth research and potential side effects. There are many serious factors to consider: your heart, decrease in bone density, depression, nausea, weight gain and the list goes on.
So, if it’s important to you and your own peace of mind, you have the wheel. Is saying, “no” an option? Duh!
Monday, December 15, 2008
Be Happy with Who YOU Are and Not Who and What He Wants You To Be
When you lay your head on your pillow tonight, will you be happy with who you are? As you reflect on the day, are you pleased with life as you know it and as you live it?
Check out Maria’s story . . .
My husband and I were married for 7 years. In the beginning, it seemed as though he loved everything about me, but after a year, things began to change. Maybe I took it for granted at first that he must have been happy with me, since he always seemed to be happy.
During the pregnancy of our first child, he began to criticize my appearance. No matter how I dressed or how I wore my hair, he wasn’t satisfied. I knew that he was embarrassed to be seen in public with me as my size increased more and more. After our daughter was born, I joined an aerobics class, watched my diet and returned to my weight that I maintained before we were married. However, he continued to be critical of what I wore and how I looked.
He didn’t stop there with my appearance and started to complain about the clothes I would buy for our little girl. In the evenings, he complained about my cooking, saying that he just put up with it over the years and finally had to say something. After our second child was born, I did my best to keep the toys and play areas organized, but for my husband, the house was never clean enough.
After five years with this man, I fell out of love with him. I began to hate myself and blame myself for everything. I don't know how I ever stuck it out for two more years. Finally, one morning after I took my daughter to school, I packed up the baby and went to the library. I found a huge section of self-help books and started to research what was wrong with me. The library became an obsession, as I couldn’t get enough information. The more I studied, I came to learn that the problem wasn’t me.
Each day I felt stronger and more confident to face my husband when he would badger and intimidate me. I finally mustered up to the courage to leave him, found legal counsel, filed for divorce and got custody of my children.
One day, I would like to re-marry, but I’m enjoying my freedom too much. There’s actually more time that I can devote to my children and so much more time for myself.
I love who I see in the mirror!
Check out Maria’s story . . .
My husband and I were married for 7 years. In the beginning, it seemed as though he loved everything about me, but after a year, things began to change. Maybe I took it for granted at first that he must have been happy with me, since he always seemed to be happy.
During the pregnancy of our first child, he began to criticize my appearance. No matter how I dressed or how I wore my hair, he wasn’t satisfied. I knew that he was embarrassed to be seen in public with me as my size increased more and more. After our daughter was born, I joined an aerobics class, watched my diet and returned to my weight that I maintained before we were married. However, he continued to be critical of what I wore and how I looked.
He didn’t stop there with my appearance and started to complain about the clothes I would buy for our little girl. In the evenings, he complained about my cooking, saying that he just put up with it over the years and finally had to say something. After our second child was born, I did my best to keep the toys and play areas organized, but for my husband, the house was never clean enough.
After five years with this man, I fell out of love with him. I began to hate myself and blame myself for everything. I don't know how I ever stuck it out for two more years. Finally, one morning after I took my daughter to school, I packed up the baby and went to the library. I found a huge section of self-help books and started to research what was wrong with me. The library became an obsession, as I couldn’t get enough information. The more I studied, I came to learn that the problem wasn’t me.
Each day I felt stronger and more confident to face my husband when he would badger and intimidate me. I finally mustered up to the courage to leave him, found legal counsel, filed for divorce and got custody of my children.
One day, I would like to re-marry, but I’m enjoying my freedom too much. There’s actually more time that I can devote to my children and so much more time for myself.
I love who I see in the mirror!
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