Monday, December 15, 2008

Be Happy with Who YOU Are and Not Who and What He Wants You To Be

When you lay your head on your pillow tonight, will you be happy with who you are? As you reflect on the day, are you pleased with life as you know it and as you live it?

Check out Maria’s story . . .
My husband and I were married for 7 years. In the beginning, it seemed as though he loved everything about me, but after a year, things began to change. Maybe I took it for granted at first that he must have been happy with me, since he always seemed to be happy.

During the pregnancy of our first child, he began to criticize my appearance. No matter how I dressed or how I wore my hair, he wasn’t satisfied. I knew that he was embarrassed to be seen in public with me as my size increased more and more. After our daughter was born, I joined an aerobics class, watched my diet and returned to my weight that I maintained before we were married. However, he continued to be critical of what I wore and how I looked.

He didn’t stop there with my appearance and started to complain about the clothes I would buy for our little girl. In the evenings, he complained about my cooking, saying that he just put up with it over the years and finally had to say something. After our second child was born, I did my best to keep the toys and play areas organized, but for my husband, the house was never clean enough.

After five years with this man, I fell out of love with him. I began to hate myself and blame myself for everything. I don't know how I ever stuck it out for two more years. Finally, one morning after I took my daughter to school, I packed up the baby and went to the library. I found a huge section of self-help books and started to research what was wrong with me. The library became an obsession, as I couldn’t get enough information. The more I studied, I came to learn that the problem wasn’t me.

Each day I felt stronger and more confident to face my husband when he would badger and intimidate me. I finally mustered up to the courage to leave him, found legal counsel, filed for divorce and got custody of my children.

One day, I would like to re-marry, but I’m enjoying my freedom too much. There’s actually more time that I can devote to my children and so much more time for myself.
I love who I see in the mirror!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

You Say, "To-may-to" and I Say, "To-mah-to"

Once again, here we go over the river and through the woods. Some of us will enjoy a lovely, festive meal with dear ones and others will be wishing they would have figured out an excuse to get out of going where they ended up for the holiday.

This blog could easily fall into the “no-in laws” category from my book, "Single 101: 101 Reasons to Celebrate Being Single", but let's focus on the food! Fortunately for us who are single and living alone, what gets stuffed into the refrigerator, stays in the refrigerator, (even the left-over turkey is all pour moi). But wait, ah, ah, ah- get your mits off of that turkey leg and read Maggie’s story first:

I was born and raised in the Midwestern United States, where it was tradition to stuff and roast a turkey. We had all the trimmings with potatoes, gravy, an assortment of cooked vegetables, cranberry relish, cornbread and pumpkin pie. My husband and I were married for 18 years, but he was never satisfied with Thanksgiving served at our house, where I did all the cooking. He grew up in Maine, where the holidays were centered on the family seafood business. Thanksgiving and Christmas to his family meant clam chowder or lobster bisque, fresh scallops, shrimp, anything seafood. Potatoes were acceptable, but cranberry relish came out of the can.
Not a seafood lover myself, I dreaded those long trips to the east coast every other year. Trying to be polite, I would sip my chowder, but get full on mashed potatoes. What I was most thankful for on those Thanksgiving Days was simply the pumpkin pie!

Maggie isn’t alone. When you’re from the other side of the continent, it’s easy to see how so many of us clash when it comes to taste, especially on this day of feasting. The total win-win being single, is that you can travel anywhere you want for Thanksgiving, eat what you want, select what you want at the market or stay home and curl up with a great book.

Here’s hoping that this Thanksgiving finds you with who you love being with or doing what you love. Since we only live once, go ahead and add a dollop of whipped cream on that pie. Enjoy!

Friday, October 3, 2008

Start Packing!

How many times have you wished that you lived in an exotic place or simply just somewhere else? If given the opportunity, a single person can pack up and move across town or across the pond at the drop of a hat, without the complexities of a spouse’s career needs or family ties.

Money Magazine, who usually publishes the top best metropolitan cities to live in, recently released a list of the best smallest cities in America for 2007. According to Money Mag, Ohio is the best in the Midwest for small communities with populations between 7,500 and 50,000. Towns like Beavercreek, Gahanna and Highland Heights had the highest education scores, lowest crime rate and home affordability, in addition to high rankings in racial diversity, health care access, arts and leisure.

Northbrook, Ohio boasts the most affordable homes with the median home price of $83,760. A suburb of Cincinnati, Northbrook residents say they like the low-key living. Those who call home to Tonawanda, New York will tell you that it’s their town that offers the best in affordable homes, located along the beautiful Niagara River. If you’re searching for a family friendly environment with economic opportunities, Money suggests you check out Middleton, Wisconsin. For a more affluent atmosphere, the town with highest average income for 2007 is Hillsborough, California with a population of only 10, 500 and a median income of $263,456.

In 1989, Seattle was voted as the Number One best city to live in America, where a three-bedroom tudor-style home sold for $130,000. Even though Boeing has since relocated to Chicago, Starbucks and Microsoft call Seattle home where the Puget Sound and Cascade Mountains make you forget about how much it rains.

College towns offer the largest populations of singles, such as State College, Pennsylvania and Durham, New Hampshire where and 75% are single. Steeped in history, architecture and romantic landscapes, these serene, cozy communities thrive with plenty of entertainment and nightlife. The shortest commute to work can be found in Pella, Iowa and Pierre, South Dakota with an average of 7.5 minutes. Looking for the cleanest air? Start apartment or home hunting in Troy, Alabama or Brattleboro, Vermont.

Traveler’s Digest writes that Los Angeles is truly where western culture is defined today. Most trends begin in L.A. and influence the world. The most freedom in the world can be found in Amsterdam, Holland. Although drugs and hookers can legally be found on the same street, Amsterdam has one of the strongest economies in Europe and the friendliest people.

The Number One city in the world to live in, according to Traveler’s Digest is Montreal, Canada. One of the most diverse cultural cities with a growing economy. Just plan on gearing up with plenty of fleece, corduroys, winter coats and oh, oui, better learn to speak Francais!

If you love the cold and prefer a cozy fire seventy-five percent of the year, College, Alaska ranks as the coldest with an average temperature of 14 below zero in January. Grand Forks, Fargo and Jamestown, all in North Dakota average 4 below zero during the winter months and I can personally attest that with the wind factoring in, the temp drops to 50 below. For those who love the heat and low humidity, pack up for Rancho Mirage, California or Las Vegas, who average 108 degrees in July and a yearly humidity average of 28%.

So, now that you’re on your own, how do you like it? A quick commute or life in the big city? Speaking French? Hot or cold? Hey! Have some fun- close your eyes and point your finger to somewhere on the map. Then, open your eyes and discover your destiny.

I wish you safe travels and the joy of having the freedom to choose. ~Single 101

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

The Crossword Puzzle Is All Yours!!

I suppose you can blame it all on Joseph Pulitzer, who published the very first crossword puzzle in his publication, The New York World, on December 21, 1913. Arthur Wynne, who created the puzzle in the shape of a diamond with just a few clues, started a phenomenon that many newspaper subscribers cannot live without. Many newspaper publishers will tell you that you can forget to post an important news item with no reaction, but if you fail to publish the daily crossword puzzle, readers will have a snit.

According to Will Shortz, editor of the New York Times crossword puzzle, perhaps as many as 50 million people do crosswords just in America. One reader claims that he never gets bored as long as he has his daily puzzle, where another woman says that it keeps her mind sharp, improving her vocabulary.

A homemaker in Virginia states that she cringed when her husband bought her a crossword puzzle dictionary for Christmas, thinking it would help her. "That would be cheating," she said. But hold everything! If you’re having trouble getting that last word, you can actually have your clues analyzed at www.one across.com. In the event that you get stuck, OneAcross will help you out and no one is the wiser.

Rumors and tales have spread throughout the last century that some marriages have become stronger and some have failed because of the addiction to crossword puzzles. Have a score to settle or a little vendetta? Just hide your enemy’s crossword puzzle.

Let's say that you’re really bored and up to a new challenge. Spend twenty bucks on the World's Largest Crossword Puzzle, with a six foot six square grid, 91,000 plus squares and 24,718 clues, it’s guaranteed to never leave you clueless!

Hazel Warren of London, England claims that she actually forgot to prepare dinner for her family one night. Others like Hazel say they’ve been late picking up the kids from school or late for work, all because of the rage over “Sudoku”. Sudoku, which means "single number" in Japanese, is essentially a simple logic problem with layers of hidden complexity that can draw the solver in to the point of obsession and they claim it's all the rage in th UK.

Isn’t it lovely to be single? You have the freedom to sort out the logical assumptions on your own, celebrate your prowess of completing the puzzle yourself and you never have to argue or debate over your choices. If you can’t take the puzzle with you, it will still be there in the safe place you left it when you return home.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

The Free Spirit

Like dependence on the next breath, the soul demands its independence.

When I think of all of the things that make life easier as a single person, the list is long. It certainly doesn’t stretch from here to the moon and back, but all I ask for is to eat what I want and when; wear what I want to wherever; sleep whenever I want- wherever; and be the sole owner of the keys.

For many of us, it makes life so much easier in a stressful world. Maybe some of us just haven’t found that one companion to live with like two peas in a pod, however, I prefer to be human and not a pea.

I can count on one hand the people I trust behind the wheel, otherwise I’m a backseat driver in the passenger seat. The older I get, the further I grow away from that child who felt safe and fell asleep on the back seat when my father was at the wheel. So, is it all about comfortability or simply a matter of trust?

As a creative spirit, I’ve discovered that it’s nearly impossible to share space with others within the same household. The need for focus and serenity is too great. Many people with creative talents, whose careers are guided by their muse have difficulty finding peace and compatibility.

Do we feel the need to live like there is no tomorrow, knowing that eventually there won’t be one? Not exactly. Most of us just prefer the right to come and go as we please.
. . . Single 101 :)

Monday, July 14, 2008

Aaaaah, the Single Flatulence of It All!

How many times have you smiled when you opened up a can of beans because you knew that you wouldn’t embarrass yourself later. Who cares? Make all the noise you want and enjoy the benefits as well.

Let’s ponder the “power” of beans, as it's really something to make noise about. Kidney, black, navy, pinto, garbanzo, soybeans and lentils are low in fat, calories and sodium. High in fiber and the good carbs, they contain the Omega-6 fatty acids. Soybeans contain the Omega-3’s. Studies have shown that if you add either canned or dry beans to your diet, you can reduce blood cholesterol levels by 10 percent within just two to three weeks.

Kidney beans alone are a good source of folate, potassium, iron, manganese, copper and zinc, known to aid in lowering blood pressure. In a study of almost 10,000 men and women, those who ate beans four or more times a week, cut their risk of coronary heart disease by nearly 20 percent, compared with those who ate beans less than once per week.

Rich in soluble fiber, which helps to eliminate cholesterol from the body, kidney beans prevent blood sugar levels from rising too rapidly after a meal. The soluble fiber in beans takes up a lot of volume in the stomach which leads to a feeling of fullness, according to Dr. Ralph Felder, author of “The Bonus Years Diet”.

Beans and lentils have the same potent anti-inflammatory antioxidants, also found in teas, fruits, grapes, red wine and cocoa beans. It’s interesting to note that the reddish flavonal pigments in bean and lentil seed coats exert antioxidant activity 50 times greater than vitamin E. They can protect against oxidative damage to cell membrane lipids; promote healthy collagen and cartilage; and restore the antioxidant powers of vitamins C and E after they’ve won their war over the free radicals.

So, man the guns matey, release those toxins and reap the benefits. Yes, you still have to live with yourself and the smell, but aaaaah, the single flatulence of it all!

Friday, June 6, 2008

Go Ahead, Lick the Spoon!

Living single has its advantages when it comes to issues such as personal space, boundaries, hygiene and well, let’s just stop there.

Unless you embarrass yourself and feel totally like a slob, drinking directly from the milk jug or juice bottle in the fridge seems so much more convenient than taking the time to get a glass from the cupboard. If you must, go for it!

However, certain food items start to look unappetizing with similar liberties. For example, if you take a bite out of a tomato and put it back in the veggie keeper, it’s going to get ugly. It may be wise to store less “chewed on” food.

One of the greatest rewards for me is knowing that the cookies will still be there when I get back or if there’s two ice cream sandwiches left in the freezer, there will still be the same two the next time I want one. The love affair between a cook and his/her precious time in the kitchen has a completely different set of rules if you are cooking for one. What gourmet cook doesn’t experiment and check the flavor of sauces and broths in meal preparation? There’s no need to keep using a clean spoon and another one and another one.

The ultimate experience for all are the pleasures gained from baking cakes. Who cares if it’s a white cake, yellow, spice or German chocolate. After the batter is poured into the cake pans, the real fun begins. Just please be sure to disconnect the power to the mixer before licking!

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Recipe For A Long and Happy Life

My grandfather told me once that he drank a cup of hot water with a mixture of vinegar and honey stirred in every day. He claimed that it gave him energy and stamina.

Gregory Nestor, one of the world’s oldest humans, credits his longevity to barefoot walks, sour milk and never being married. Bi Deben from Beijing says he must eat meat every day. Deben, who is now 103 says he feels uneasy without his daily intake of meat.

Centenarians share many similarities with healthy habits, including exercise, strength training, diet and stress reduction. Many believe that being socially active is key to a long life and studies have shown that they experience less depression, stronger immune systems and lower incidence of heart disease.

Mahbuba Fatullayeya of Peshtatuk, Azerbaijan, who is also 103 years old, was born into the Russian empire ruled by a czar. She remembers the Bolshevik Revolution and Lenin's path to power. “I have always been with nature”, she says, “I knew the value of life. "Sometimes I eat milk, yogurt, honey, anything that comes my way." An 80-year-old neighbor of Mahbuba, who looks much younger, claims that everything she eats, she gets from nature. The cow drinks clear water and eats nourishing grass and she drink the good milk.

Sevinj Huseinova, a biologist who works in the Laboratory of Long Life at the Institute of Physiology in Baku, says an extraordinary number of people do live long lives there - long being about 110 - because of genetic factors enhanced by diet, exercise and fresh air. “. Huseinova counsels that we should forget about the news. "The less information a person has," she says, "the longer he lives. There's less stress."

“Eat yogurt along with garlic and mint“, says Chingiz Gasimov, the laboratory director. “Eat cilantro and chives, saffron and tarragon, and sumakh, a red spice made from dried berries“, he says, “and such a diet will prevent cholesterol”.

In his book, “Secrets of Longevity- Hundreds of Ways to Live to Be 100”, Dr. Maoshing Ni,
who specializes in Tai Chi and longevity offers such tips as eating more blueberries, telling the truth and saying ‘no’ to undue burdens. He believes there are hundreds of proven ways to make everyone’s stay on earth much happier.

And finally, there’s this article published in Science Daily, February 2005, about the deep-sea tube worm, Lamellibrachia luymesi, who is among the longest-lived of all animals, with an incredible lifespan of up to 250 years. How it obtains sufficient nutrients in the form of sulfide to keep going for this long has been a mystery. In a paper published in the online journal PLoS Biology, a team of biologists now provide a solution: By releasing its waste sulfate not up into the ocean but down into the sediments, L. luymesi stimulates the growth of sulfide-producing microbes, thus ensuring its own long-term survival.

So, whether you’re a worm or a human, the key seems to be staying close to nature and maintaining strong relationships, even for the happy hearts in the deep blue sea.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Will He or Won't He Call?

If you haven’t switched over to hi-speed internet access, living in the world of dial-up is tough enough, but are you wasting your time waiting by the phone?
We’ve all been there, wondering if he’s going to call and when. It’s just another reason to celebrate being single. The limbo waiting room doesn’t exist anymore. Here’s Michaela’s story . . .
It was a gloomy, rainy day, of course. I had just interviewed for a great job with a fashion manufacturer, who said they would contact me by the end of the week. I wanted this job and needed more money, plus the wardrobe comps were very generous. The interview was on Tuesday, but let me tell you about Wednesday.

I had been dating Tim for almost a year. He was notorious for never calling, so I always found myself being the more assertive partner in the relationship. Tim seemed happy for me that I’d finally landed the interview and I moped around the house all of Wednesday, wishing that he’d at least call and ask how it went.

I mean, what does he do all the time? Is he sitting around hoping I’ll call or maybe just thinking that I’ll call eventually, so he won’t worry about it? Watching out the window at the pouring rain, I made a promise to myself that I would not call him. Let’s just see if he really cares about me, I thought.

After finishing off half a bag of potato chips, I stood in front of the refrigerator, planning on the feast I would have with what was left of the chocolate chip ice cream. Instead, I broke my promise to myself and grabbed the phone. I called Tim and got his voicemail, but didn’t leave a message. An hour later, I called his cell phone and left a short message, just saying that it was me calling. I became so angry that he never offered me any emotional support, I decided not to dare call him again and not to answer the phone if it rang.

Around 3:30, that afternoon, the phone rang, but I let the voicemail capture the call. I became so furious with not only Tim, but myself for being so weak, I didn’t check the message. I assumed that I wouldn’t hear from the employer until Friday, certain that if the phone actually rang, it would be Tim or my mother.

I finally checked the messages later on Thursday to learn I’d missed my opportunity for the new position. My obsession over Tim cost me the chance for my new job, as it was the employer who had called. The message stated that they had experienced such an unbelievable response to the job opening, they would need to hear back from me right away, by 5pm that day, otherwise the job would go to the second most valuable candidate.

So, that was Thursday and by Friday, Tim had never called.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Cut Your Grocery Bill in Half!

How much do you think you could save on your grocery bill every month?
If you’re currently putting out close to $600 every four weeks, that number could change dramatically if you’re suddenly single, especially if the food expenses have been your part of the household budget plan for two adults.
Imagine how much you could save. Over the next twenty years, you could possibly save $75,000 or more. What a way to start saving for a rainy day! Could you use an extra 75k in twenty years?
Imagine all of your favorite goodies you could fill in your refrigerator! Not only can you now buy the food he hated, but the stuff he loved and gobbled up before you had a chance to enjoy it.
Look at it this way, if gas prices continue to rise, living single won’t really help, but because of the increase in oil, the cost of dairy products is on the rise. They say a gallon of milk will be close to $5 in the next year, so start saving your money and celebrate being single!

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Embrace the Unknown

How do we know when it’s time to move on and realize our unfulfilled desires?
Can we be certain when the time is right and if we’re clearly interpreting our inner voice? When we allow doubt and fear to take control, our strongest desires, hopes and dreams are dashed.
Choosing to live the single life, opens up far more opportunities to be spontaneous or make changes without drastically affecting our spouse or live-in partner. So much of one person’s life can be lost and never replaced due to the needs and decisions of a dominant spouse.
Click on the “Writernia” link to the right to read my story about one woman surviving the uncertainty. It's titled, “Embrace the Unknown”, by Single 101.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Reaching Your Full Potential

One of the 101 reasons to celebrate being single in “Single 101” is the freedom to pursue your passion. When I think of the advice I’ve received from family, friends, teachers, mentors, sages in books and even little calendars with inspiring affirmations, it’s wonderful to have genuine support.
A friend once said that those positive voices began to do battle with the negative voices in her head, only the negative voices were really coming from the outside, from her spouse.
Finding positive support in a relationship can be like mining for gold and one day, you wake up and realize that the person sleeping next to you is either jealous of your success or has no interest whatsoever in your life’s desires.
I can gratefully relish in the fact that my first husband and I fully support each other now. After thirty-five years, we accept the other for who they are and it seems as though our shortcomings are non-existent. We hold on to the good memories and focus on reaching our full potential as individuals. Romance doesn’t have to be a part of enjoying the person you fell in love with. Every now and then, I get to hang out with the guy who was my best friend and still, in so many ways, continues to be that man today.
Reaching the summit of your full potential is still a tough climb, but far less complicated when a spouse or partner isn’t trying to drag you back down the mountain.