No In-Laws!

Read Samantha’s story:
Sam grew up in the Catholic faith, following in her father’s footsteps, under the dominant rule of the Dominican nuns and priests. Along with her school mates, she attended Mass every Wednesday morning before school and occasional Sundays with her father.

The years of teachings from the catechism troubled Sam, but she was fearful of asking questions or debating issues that never seemed to make any sense. Yet, Sam was enchanted on the day of her First Communion and later stood tall as a soldier of Christ on her Confirmation Day.

Her mother was a Methodist. She reminded Sam frequently of how the priest forced her to sign a document stating that every child bore in her marriage to Sam’s father would exclusively be raised as a Catholic. Sam witnessed the cultural differences within her own family and learned quickly how polarizing each religious belief could be. Her grandparents on either side of the family never gelled and Sam learned at an early age of the dreadful, so-called, “mother-in-law”.

Sam continually experienced the prejudiced attitude of the nuns and how they acted out their feelings on the children of mixed marriages. She became increasingly uncomfortable in class, when the nuns, who were also the elementary teachers, would ask the students the same question repeatedly throughout grade school: How many girls in the class are planning to become a nun when they grow up? How many young men are planning to become a priest when they grow up? In the clusters of raised hands, Samantha never participated with a reply.

As a young adult, Sam was uncertain of what she truly believed in. She began to search her soul about God and Jesus. After several years of personal study of Buddahism, Christianity and Judaism, she discovered that the Jewish faith came closer to her true beliefs and finally found comfort in her relationship with God.

Samantha later met a young man who was Jewish. His family were members of a conservative temple, but only attended services on High Holidays. She fell in love with him, but he struggled with the fear of having to break it to his parents that he had met a non-Jew and hoped to marry Sam. His mother was more compassionate and understanding, but as his father shook Samantha’s hand for the first time, he looked her straight in the eyes and firmly stated, “I don’t like convertibles”.

That day, Samantha’s heartaches began. She forged on, converting into the Jewish faith, married who she believed was the man of her dreams, but never won the hearts of her in-laws. They patiently waited along the sidelines for the marriage to fail, which did after five alienating years.

Samantha never remarried. Her disappointments in the her ex-husband’s character, clearly a mirrored image of his parents, crushed her desires to practice a Jewish lifestyle. He later began dating a Jewish girl and eventually married her, satisfying the will of his father and finally giving his mother peace of mind and peace in the family.

That’s only one woman’s fate, where religion had more power over the actual relationship they could have had with their daughter-in-law. Fortunately for many people, they have found love and lasting relationships in mixed marriages. Their successes are forged from parents who are more culturally objective and comfortable with who they are themselves. Parents who indulge in impressing their friends and colleagues, force their children to exist behind an imaginary wall of prejudice.

In-laws? From the ridiculous to the demanding to be patronized and from the non-participatory to the dangerous, they can make or break a marriage. Write us and share your story here, by clicking on “comments”.