Their Stuff, Your Stuff

I met my second husband at a local radio station where we both worked. We were on the air at the same time. He was AM. I was FM. Our love affair bloomed, exchanging glances through the studio windows.

To say that I was shocked when I first visited his apartment is quite an understatement. With that said, I’ll spare you the details. I had never been inside someone’s bachelor pad before and suddenly began to appreciate that my first husband never lived like a cave man. At this point, I had been divorced for a few years and in the process of building my second house. Was I ready to share my dream home with Java Man?

The day he moved in, I learned a lot about myself. As each box and “man thing” was carried into what would no longer be just my space, I cringed. Was I already set in my ways, too eccentric, too feminine with my décor? Would I have the interior design skills to blend my Country French furnishings with his 1960’s rattan patio group that still possessed the musty odor of his parent’s basement?

Mr. Friedman, now my ex-husband, has been a Beatles fan and collector of Beatle’s albums and memorabilia. However, his life-sized poster of the band from the “Introducing the Beatles” photo sessions, became a challenge for me. Me, who also loved the fab four since childhood, inspiring my songwriting skills and musical tastes. At eleven years of age, I actually believed that I would marry Paul McCartney as soon as he dumped Jane Asher, but Linda Eastman beat me, along with millions of other women to the punch!

At twenty-eight, there I was, married to Mr. Friedman instead and there stood Paul staring back at me from my living room wall. How would I break it to my husband that his beloved Beatle’s poster, under glass in it’s sturdy brass frame, was more apropos for a college dorm? Paul, George, John and Ringo eventually found a home downstairs in the recreation room with the rattan furniture.

I do feel fortunate that my ex was a Beatle’s fan and not a beer can collector. Even Dodi Fayed had a huge wall covered with his ball cap collection. Hmmmmm, I wonder what Diana thought of his Paris bachelor pad?

Years after my husband and I parted, he emailed to let me know that accidentally, the poster fell and the glass shattered. I sometimes wonder if the poster would be cool hanging in my music studio today. It’s surprising to find how much I have changed.

It can be a wild and wooly battle for territory and personal space with a spouse or live-in partner. If you’re still on the fence about staying single, take your time and be observant. When he moves in and wants to display his little plastic soldiers from his childhood on the window sill, run as fast as you can!

More Opportunities to Meet NEW People!

Now, don’t start that talk about how you don’t go to pick up bars and meat markets. C’mon, think outside of the box and seek out new relationships.

Here are one dozen great places to meet new friends:

1. Health Clubs

2. Museums
3. Singles groups
4. Events: sporting, wine tasting, meetups
5. Networking groups
6. Book clubs
7. Civic organizations
8. Neighborhood watch programs
9. Volunteer organizations and churches
10. Workshops and seminars
11. Parties or have your own
12. Resorts and spas

It’s amazing how many wonderful people you meet traveling, even if it’s a few miles from your own front door. If you travel to a new country, you can also learn about a different culture or how to speak a new language. I’ll guarantee that you’ll come home with names and addresses of new pen pals.

How would you like to find new friends who are into enlightenment and spiritual well being? Step into the light and sign up for a yoga or tai chi class. Aaah! Just the sound of the word, 'yoga', doesn't it make you relaxed?

If you’re bored and fed up with your current job, go hunting for a new one. A new environment holds magical possibilities. Go shopping, even if you have no money, browse and window shop.
You may find a new friend in a pet store or the local humane society.

Which reminds me . . . lots of dog lovers will tell you to just get a dog, go to the park or the beach and watch what happens! (Instant friends and so much fun! ) Your cat wouldn’t be very happy at the beach anyway.

The golden ticket is asserting yourself. It’s easier than you think to bag that shy side of your personality and start opening up to people. Talk to strangers who are friendly in appearance. It makes waiting in line go so much faster.

Last but not least, smile at someone when you pass them on the street and by all means, smile back at someone who has smiled at you- what a gift!

You Are at the Controls

It’s your choice, your responsibility and all about your needs. Some people only need to prevent pregnancy, where others need to protect themselves or their partners from sexually transmitted diseases.

Your choice of birth control should depend on several factors. These include your health, frequency of sexual activity, number of sexual partners and desire to have children. Your health care provider can help you select the best form of birth control for you, but it all comes down to you to ensure your own sexual well being.

In today’s world, thank goodness for the Internet. It’s all there, even BirthControl.com. We’ve come a long, long way in just the past 20 years. With a variety of oral contraceptives, condoms, IUD’s, spermicides, implants, patches, rings, caps, diaphragms, douches, vasectomy, even the rhythm method, it can make you dizzy just thinking about.

Your family doctor can inform you about the pros and cons of each birth control option, but he doesn’t have the time to consult you on those specifics. It’s your responsibility to do the research. Few doctors will take the time to provide printed materials on in-depth research and potential side effects. There are many serious factors to consider: your heart, decrease in bone density, depression, nausea, weight gain and the list goes on.

So, if it’s important to you and your own peace of mind, you have the wheel. Is saying, “no” an option? Duh!

Be Happy with Who YOU Are and Not Who and What He Wants You To Be

When you lay your head on your pillow tonight, will you be happy with who you are? As you reflect on the day, are you pleased with life as you know it and as you live it?

Check out Maria’s story . . .
My husband and I were married for 7 years. In the beginning, it seemed as though he loved everything about me, but after a year, things began to change. Maybe I took it for granted at first that he must have been happy with me, since he always seemed to be happy.

During the pregnancy of our first child, he began to criticize my appearance. No matter how I dressed or how I wore my hair, he wasn’t satisfied. I knew that he was embarrassed to be seen in public with me as my size increased more and more. After our daughter was born, I joined an aerobics class, watched my diet and returned to my weight that I maintained before we were married. However, he continued to be critical of what I wore and how I looked.

He didn’t stop there with my appearance and started to complain about the clothes I would buy for our little girl. In the evenings, he complained about my cooking, saying that he just put up with it over the years and finally had to say something. After our second child was born, I did my best to keep the toys and play areas organized, but for my husband, the house was never clean enough.

After five years with this man, I fell out of love with him. I began to hate myself and blame myself for everything. I don't know how I ever stuck it out for two more years. Finally, one morning after I took my daughter to school, I packed up the baby and went to the library. I found a huge section of self-help books and started to research what was wrong with me. The library became an obsession, as I couldn’t get enough information. The more I studied, I came to learn that the problem wasn’t me.

Each day I felt stronger and more confident to face my husband when he would badger and intimidate me. I finally mustered up to the courage to leave him, found legal counsel, filed for divorce and got custody of my children.

One day, I would like to re-marry, but I’m enjoying my freedom too much. There’s actually more time that I can devote to my children and so much more time for myself.
I love who I see in the mirror!

You Say, "To-may-to" and I Say, "To-mah-to"

Once again, here we go over the river and through the woods. Some of us will enjoy a lovely, festive meal with dear ones and others will be wishing they would have figured out an excuse to get out of going where they ended up for the holiday.

This blog could easily fall into the “no-in laws” category from my book, "Single 101: 101 Reasons to Celebrate Being Single", but let's focus on the food! Fortunately for us who are single and living alone, what gets stuffed into the refrigerator, stays in the refrigerator, (even the left-over turkey is all pour moi). But wait, ah, ah, ah- get your mits off of that turkey leg and read Maggie’s story first:

I was born and raised in the Midwestern United States, where it was tradition to stuff and roast a turkey. We had all the trimmings with potatoes, gravy, an assortment of cooked vegetables, cranberry relish, cornbread and pumpkin pie. My husband and I were married for 18 years, but he was never satisfied with Thanksgiving served at our house, where I did all the cooking. He grew up in Maine, where the holidays were centered on the family seafood business. Thanksgiving and Christmas to his family meant clam chowder or lobster bisque, fresh scallops, shrimp, anything seafood. Potatoes were acceptable, but cranberry relish came out of the can.
Not a seafood lover myself, I dreaded those long trips to the east coast every other year. Trying to be polite, I would sip my chowder, but get full on mashed potatoes. What I was most thankful for on those Thanksgiving Days was simply the pumpkin pie!

Maggie isn’t alone. When you’re from the other side of the continent, it’s easy to see how so many of us clash when it comes to taste, especially on this day of feasting. The total win-win being single, is that you can travel anywhere you want for Thanksgiving, eat what you want, select what you want at the market or stay home and curl up with a great book.

Here’s hoping that this Thanksgiving finds you with who you love being with or doing what you love. Since we only live once, go ahead and add a dollop of whipped cream on that pie. Enjoy!

Start Packing!

How many times have you wished that you lived in an exotic place or simply just somewhere else? If given the opportunity, a single person can pack up and move across town or across the pond at the drop of a hat, without the complexities of a spouse’s career needs or family ties.

Money Magazine, who usually publishes the top best metropolitan cities to live in, recently released a list of the best smallest cities in America for 2007. According to Money Mag, Ohio is the best in the Midwest for small communities with populations between 7,500 and 50,000. Towns like Beavercreek, Gahanna and Highland Heights had the highest education scores, lowest crime rate and home affordability, in addition to high rankings in racial diversity, health care access, arts and leisure.

Northbrook, Ohio boasts the most affordable homes with the median home price of $83,760. A suburb of Cincinnati, Northbrook residents say they like the low-key living. Those who call home to Tonawanda, New York will tell you that it’s their town that offers the best in affordable homes, located along the beautiful Niagara River. If you’re searching for a family friendly environment with economic opportunities, Money suggests you check out Middleton, Wisconsin. For a more affluent atmosphere, the town with highest average income for 2007 is Hillsborough, California with a population of only 10, 500 and a median income of $263,456.

In 1989, Seattle was voted as the Number One best city to live in America, where a three-bedroom tudor-style home sold for $130,000. Even though Boeing has since relocated to Chicago, Starbucks and Microsoft call Seattle home where the Puget Sound and Cascade Mountains make you forget about how much it rains.

College towns offer the largest populations of singles, such as State College, Pennsylvania and Durham, New Hampshire where and 75% are single. Steeped in history, architecture and romantic landscapes, these serene, cozy communities thrive with plenty of entertainment and nightlife. The shortest commute to work can be found in Pella, Iowa and Pierre, South Dakota with an average of 7.5 minutes. Looking for the cleanest air? Start apartment or home hunting in Troy, Alabama or Brattleboro, Vermont.

Traveler’s Digest writes that Los Angeles is truly where western culture is defined today. Most trends begin in L.A. and influence the world. The most freedom in the world can be found in Amsterdam, Holland. Although drugs and hookers can legally be found on the same street, Amsterdam has one of the strongest economies in Europe and the friendliest people.

The Number One city in the world to live in, according to Traveler’s Digest is Montreal, Canada. One of the most diverse cultural cities with a growing economy. Just plan on gearing up with plenty of fleece, corduroys, winter coats and oh, oui, better learn to speak Francais!

If you love the cold and prefer a cozy fire seventy-five percent of the year, College, Alaska ranks as the coldest with an average temperature of 14 below zero in January. Grand Forks, Fargo and Jamestown, all in North Dakota average 4 below zero during the winter months and I can personally attest that with the wind factoring in, the temp drops to 50 below. For those who love the heat and low humidity, pack up for Rancho Mirage, California or Las Vegas, who average 108 degrees in July and a yearly humidity average of 28%.

So, now that you’re on your own, how do you like it? A quick commute or life in the big city? Speaking French? Hot or cold? Hey! Have some fun- close your eyes and point your finger to somewhere on the map. Then, open your eyes and discover your destiny.

I wish you safe travels and the joy of having the freedom to choose. ~Single 101

The Crossword Puzzle Is All Yours!!

I suppose you can blame it all on Joseph Pulitzer, who published the very first crossword puzzle in his publication, The New York World, on December 21, 1913. Arthur Wynne, who created the puzzle in the shape of a diamond with just a few clues, started a phenomenon that many newspaper subscribers cannot live without. Many newspaper publishers will tell you that you can forget to post an important news item with no reaction, but if you fail to publish the daily crossword puzzle, readers will have a snit.

According to Will Shortz, editor of the New York Times crossword puzzle, perhaps as many as 50 million people do crosswords just in America. One reader claims that he never gets bored as long as he has his daily puzzle, where another woman says that it keeps her mind sharp, improving her vocabulary.

A homemaker in Virginia states that she cringed when her husband bought her a crossword puzzle dictionary for Christmas, thinking it would help her. "That would be cheating," she said. But hold everything! If you’re having trouble getting that last word, you can actually have your clues analyzed at www.one across.com. In the event that you get stuck, OneAcross will help you out and no one is the wiser.

Rumors and tales have spread throughout the last century that some marriages have become stronger and some have failed because of the addiction to crossword puzzles. Have a score to settle or a little vendetta? Just hide your enemy’s crossword puzzle.

Let's say that you’re really bored and up to a new challenge. Spend twenty bucks on the World's Largest Crossword Puzzle, with a six foot six square grid, 91,000 plus squares and 24,718 clues, it’s guaranteed to never leave you clueless!

Hazel Warren of London, England claims that she actually forgot to prepare dinner for her family one night. Others like Hazel say they’ve been late picking up the kids from school or late for work, all because of the rage over “Sudoku”. Sudoku, which means "single number" in Japanese, is essentially a simple logic problem with layers of hidden complexity that can draw the solver in to the point of obsession and they claim it's all the rage in th UK.

Isn’t it lovely to be single? You have the freedom to sort out the logical assumptions on your own, celebrate your prowess of completing the puzzle yourself and you never have to argue or debate over your choices. If you can’t take the puzzle with you, it will still be there in the safe place you left it when you return home.

The Free Spirit

Like dependence on the next breath, the soul demands its independence.

When I think of all of the things that make life easier as a single person, the list is long. It certainly doesn’t stretch from here to the moon and back, but all I ask for is to eat what I want and when; wear what I want to wherever; sleep whenever I want- wherever; and be the sole owner of the keys.

For many of us, it makes life so much easier in a stressful world. Maybe some of us just haven’t found that one companion to live with like two peas in a pod, however, I prefer to be human and not a pea.

I can count on one hand the people I trust behind the wheel, otherwise I’m a backseat driver in the passenger seat. The older I get, the further I grow away from that child who felt safe and fell asleep on the back seat when my father was at the wheel. So, is it all about comfortability or simply a matter of trust?

As a creative spirit, I’ve discovered that it’s nearly impossible to share space with others within the same household. The need for focus and serenity is too great. Many people with creative talents, whose careers are guided by their muse have difficulty finding peace and compatibility.

Do we feel the need to live like there is no tomorrow, knowing that eventually there won’t be one? Not exactly. Most of us just prefer the right to come and go as we please.
. . . Single 101 :)

Aaaaah, the Single Flatulence of It All!

How many times have you smiled when you opened up a can of beans because you knew that you wouldn’t embarrass yourself later. Who cares? Make all the noise you want and enjoy the benefits as well.

Let’s ponder the “power” of beans, as it's really something to make noise about. Kidney, black, navy, pinto, garbanzo, soybeans and lentils are low in fat, calories and sodium. High in fiber and the good carbs, they contain the Omega-6 fatty acids. Soybeans contain the Omega-3’s. Studies have shown that if you add either canned or dry beans to your diet, you can reduce blood cholesterol levels by 10 percent within just two to three weeks.

Kidney beans alone are a good source of folate, potassium, iron, manganese, copper and zinc, known to aid in lowering blood pressure. In a study of almost 10,000 men and women, those who ate beans four or more times a week, cut their risk of coronary heart disease by nearly 20 percent, compared with those who ate beans less than once per week.

Rich in soluble fiber, which helps to eliminate cholesterol from the body, kidney beans prevent blood sugar levels from rising too rapidly after a meal. The soluble fiber in beans takes up a lot of volume in the stomach which leads to a feeling of fullness, according to Dr. Ralph Felder, author of “The Bonus Years Diet”.

Beans and lentils have the same potent anti-inflammatory antioxidants, also found in teas, fruits, grapes, red wine and cocoa beans. It’s interesting to note that the reddish flavonal pigments in bean and lentil seed coats exert antioxidant activity 50 times greater than vitamin E. They can protect against oxidative damage to cell membrane lipids; promote healthy collagen and cartilage; and restore the antioxidant powers of vitamins C and E after they’ve won their war over the free radicals.

So, man the guns matey, release those toxins and reap the benefits. Yes, you still have to live with yourself and the smell, but aaaaah, the single flatulence of it all!

Go Ahead, Lick the Spoon!

Living single has its advantages when it comes to issues such as personal space, boundaries, hygiene and well, let’s just stop there.

Unless you embarrass yourself and feel totally like a slob, drinking directly from the milk jug or juice bottle in the fridge seems so much more convenient than taking the time to get a glass from the cupboard. If you must, go for it!

However, certain food items start to look unappetizing with similar liberties. For example, if you take a bite out of a tomato and put it back in the veggie keeper, it’s going to get ugly. It may be wise to store less “chewed on” food.

One of the greatest rewards for me is knowing that the cookies will still be there when I get back or if there’s two ice cream sandwiches left in the freezer, there will still be the same two the next time I want one. The love affair between a cook and his/her precious time in the kitchen has a completely different set of rules if you are cooking for one. What gourmet cook doesn’t experiment and check the flavor of sauces and broths in meal preparation? There’s no need to keep using a clean spoon and another one and another one.

The ultimate experience for all are the pleasures gained from baking cakes. Who cares if it’s a white cake, yellow, spice or German chocolate. After the batter is poured into the cake pans, the real fun begins. Just please be sure to disconnect the power to the mixer before licking!